Where did I go? The pathway back to myself…

I started writing this blog as an outlet for myself to do the thing I love, which is writing.  A little corner of time set aside for myself to focus on me.  This friends, has been hard.  I know so many of my readers are out in the workforce so you may wonder, “Why does she need to carve out time?  She is a stay at home mother- her whole day is her oyster.”  Of course, those of you who follow me that are also at home moms know that free time is something you have to battle for and create for yourself.  No one will do it for you.

So I set goals for myself.  Goals like, I am going to blog 3 times a week.  I am going to blog and keep up with social media to make my presence felt.  I am going to share exciting projects and daily life anecdotes on a schedule.  I have held myself to none of these.  And my sadness and disappointment in myself has led to a blog that hasn’t had new content in over 3 weeks.  That isn’t exactly what I was going for.  My actions are not matching my passion.  I am passionate about writing, but I am struggling to find myself.  And by that, I mean I am having a hard time standing in the entitlement necessary to do what I want and need for myself.  Time to tell the world, “I need this time, for myself, for my craft and even for my sanity.”

This made me wonder how many of you out there also grapple with this?  I bet it is more than I originally thought.  So I began to ponder….and investigate..and search youtube for some videos from people I admire for some advice.  And I came across a great video clip from the Dr. Oz show where he was interviewing the author, Elizabeth Gilbert about her new book called Big Magic.  She told a story of when she was an unpublished author struggling with finding time to do her work.  She said she spoke to an older and wiser friend and told her she didn’t have the time to write.  Her friend asked her, “Just out of curiosity, what is your favorite TV show?”  When Elizabeth answered, “The Sopranos!” her wise friend said, “Not anymore its not.”

The moral of that story is, I do have things that consume my time.  Things that do take me from writing.  My children.  Can’t chuck them aside (have no desire and couldn’t live without them).  My husband.  He is a permanent fixture (though I will spend my entire life wondering when God will realize he gave me someone I am so utterly undeserving of).  However, there are things, I realized that I can cast aside.

I have decided to stop my eBay selling.  This is something that was taking time away from my day and it is time I could be standing in my own entitlement.   Please understand, this is a sacrifice for me.  I LOVE eBay.  I have been selling on eBay since 2001 and it has been a huge financial success for me.  But I am willing to carve this path back to myself.  To find myself.    To have my actions match my passion.

So, in the spirit of NEW beginnings and new commitments to myself, I am going to announce the following goals (and ask that you all help keep me in check if I slack).  I am going to blog at LEAST once a week.  I am going to share my life, my writings, my struggles and hopefully lots of successes.  🙂

I hope you all will help me by sharing my blog with your friends and family on Facebook and following me on Instagram.  With each new follower, I am feeling more propelled to be present and heard.  I would really appreciate the support!

XOXO

Go Bison!

One thought on “Where did I go? The pathway back to myself…

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