I feel so vulnerable today!!

I think most of you are aware that I recently published a book called, No Cheese Please.  It is an adorable children’s book that I am extremely proud of.

I am proud of the content.  I am proud of the final copy.  I am proud of the audaciousness I had to muster to let it go out into the world.  And here we are….

cover3

It is almost here.  Or there- in the real world where you all are.  It is available on Amazon and the presale has been tremendously successful.  Thank you all you out there who have already bought a copy or two, or 5 or 7… you know who you are!

Why do I feel most vulnerable today?  Today I began the arduous tasks of actually stepping out of my creativity (a place I am SUPER comfortable in) and into the world of “selling/promoting”.  This is a place where I am not at ease.  Please don’t misunderstand me, I BELIEVE in this project and I am CONFIDENT in what I am sharing, it just is HARD, you guys, when you ask others to come along with you and sip some of your Kool Aid! And to buy into it, literally.

So today I created the invitation to my Book Launch Celebration where I am inviting my friends and family to come and help us celebrate this really cool thing.  I am so excited but I have to be honest, when I hit ‘Send Evite’, I had heart palpitations.  All these negative thoughts crept in my head.  Or rather, if I am going to be honest, they didn’t sneak in- I was the one saying them.

“What if no one comes but you, you husband and your kids?”

“What if people presume you have no talent and don’t want to buy anything you made?”

“You have some nerve making something and then thinking anyone would PAY for it!”

The list of self-doubt and self-hate questions kept going.  I was so nervous.  I am still.

And then I got to thinking… Do I want these books to sell?  Absolutely!  I think that will be amazing and exciting and I will be honored that anyone would invest their hard-earned money into something I created and released into this crazy world.  BUT, I am not doing it for that.  I didn’t make the decision to focus on my writing for the accolades.  I decided to do this for ME!   The positive reviews and the excellent reception thus far is the cherry on top for me.

Will some people out there have negative thoughts about me?  Or about my audacity to do this thing?  I sadly presume so.  I can’t change them.  I learned from experience that people make up their minds about you typically with or without any action or evidence from you.   And those people, aren’t people you want around anyway.

Getting back to this party- I am still nervous.  I am still wanting everything to be a huge success and I want everyone to leave feeling empowered to do whatever  it is they want to do.  But I am doing this thing.  And the feeling I get from THAT…from the actual DOING supersedes any negativity I can spew at myself.

Thank you for letting me share my vulnerability here.  This community has come to be place I feel safe and free.  Kudos to you all for that.

XOXO

 

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