Hey, guys! Sorry I haven’t posted for a while. I have been busy with book stuff. As you know, my children’s book, No Cheese Please, is out in the world. I have been keeping up with it as it has been Out In the Wild as my Instagram feed shows.
And so with all that great and exciting stuff happening, I must also tell you other things that are happening here. Things I am not proud to admit. Things I am ashamed to state. Why do it then? Why use this platform to share? I have learned (it to me decades) in my life that it is not healthy to keep negativity and shame locked inside. The damage it inflicts on the psyche is so devastating, some don’t come back from it. I want to keep this blog real and let it be a true representation of myself. The good, the bad, the ugly.
So, first. I really feel like I identify as a………worrier. (Did I make some of you nervous there?). What I mean by worrier is with the impending social engagements I have lined up for No Cheese Please, I find I am so nervous and self-conscious for them to happen. I have found myself putting off event planning because I get so anxious. So if you all could say prayers to help me battle this, I would be most appreciative.
And funny, I thought the second “For Real Reveal” was a separate matter and only now as I am typing realized it is so closely related, they are practically conjoined twins. If you will remember, months ago I shared that I had been struggling with my weight and its toll on me. I was proud to show you that I had lost a good bit of weight and you all were super supportive. Thank you. I am ashamed to tell you I completely fell off the wagon after my hysterectomy and did not get back on when I could/should have. As a result, I have gained all the weight back. I believe this contributes to my anxiety over public events.
I struggle because I am a very determined person. I believe I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. The problem I have is my focus (that pin point surgeon focus) has only ever been able to be on one thing at a time. Yes, I can multi-task BUT there is going to be one thing I will go over the top with and the others will get the basic (if anything). The result of the past few months? I published a book and I am enjoying it being sold all around. I have done interviews and have events planned. You can guess what had my focus and attention, yes?
The other result of this? I have suffered. My sweet husband has suffered. Because believe me, when I am not happy with how I look, it manifests itself in so many random and unrelated things that he has to deal with as part of his “For Better or Worse” gig. When I am overweight, it affects every aspect of my life. Photos? I hate having them taken of myself? Dressing in the am? Torture. Shopping? There are no words….
I even worry that my appearance will embarrass my children. Studious is in college so she is well aware that I am not living a healthy life. Clever, Dapper and Spicy are still young and I still worry about going into their schools. I worry that I (even now) embarrass them. I hate that feeling.
So, I am going to work on this and I am sharing it here for a collection of reasons.
- I am a writer. Its what I do.
- I hope to encourage even one person (even if its me, it will be worth it)
- I want the accountability. I mean, it will be hard to NOT make these changes after sharing this with you all.
My blog is still going to focus very much on writing and being a mom. That is where my heart is and you all know that. So I will not be making this a blog about weight loss/etc. However, I do vow to share with you once a week a progress update. You can expect these updates to come Saturdays as that is the day I officially REBEGAN my transformation.
Some of you will ask what it is I will be doing. I plan on following the Ideal Protein protocol and also using the workouts from Bikini Body Mommy. The BBM currently has 4 90 day challenges. I have started Bikini Body Mommy Challenge 1.0. They are free workouts- check them out.
I do have before pictures I took on Sunday as well as my initial weigh in. At this time, I am not going to reveal those. I would like to revisit sharing at a later date.
In closing, I wanted to thank you for reading this novella. And I hope you can help support me and each other in this.
As I have said before, “I want my outside to reflect the person I am on the inside”.