Christmas Spirit Fail

Not feeling like such a hot parent today.  I had big plans.  I was going to pick up my children early to surprise them and take them to the new Christmas movie, Star.  I thought it would be a fun moment for us as we get ready to swing into the holiday season.  After all, Marlin (our Elf on the Shelf) will be here this week and we are psyched for his arrival….

Then, today, my children did this cute little thing they do some mornings.  I don’t know if any of yours do this.  Ah, its the BEST!  See if it sounds familiar….

“AUUGHHH!”

“HE touched me!”

“She is looking at me!”

“It isn’t MY job!”

“You need to come because now its getting physical”

“AUUGHHHH!”

“Why can’t we have Halloween candy for lunch?  Seriously, Mom!  You are such a fun ruiner.”

etc, etc, etc,  (all actual quotes here).

Surprisingly this doesn’t have me feeling all the feels if you catch my drift.  It has me thinking, “The only star you are going to see are the ones twirling around your head like a cartoon character…” just kidding about that part but COME ON!  A Fun Ruiner?? I am like- the QUEEN of Fun!

I am now sitting at the library working on a writing project but I keep coming back to this morning.  I keep coming back to the fact that despite it all, I STILL want to surprise them and pick them up and share this magical moment with them.  Am I delusional???

Then, now that I am calming (writing does this for me), I am forced to remember some other things that ALSO happened today that I had forgotten when I let the negativity take over.

“Spicy, you can go first.  Ladies first- Always.”

“Thanks for recording the Steelers for me mom. I can’t wait to see if they won.  Don’t tell me, I want to be surprised.”

“I’m going to love nature A LOT today in Environmental Science class today. Like more than normal.”

“I’m going to ask my Spanish teacher to help me write a book in Spanish.”

“I love you, Mom” – times 3.

I love you all, too!  I love it all.  The Christmas spirit isn’t failed here like I thought.  I just need to embrace it all and remember that its tough sometimes; being a parental unit.  But, if you just keep your eye on the Star (the good), you’ll find something that makes all the travels worth it.

XOXO

 

 

Back to the Core

LOST

We always hear, “Write what you know.”  Perhaps that is why I was so quiet for so long.  I wasn’t sure I knew much at all.  I was never focused on one thing long enough to speak, er, write about it with any sort of intelligence or wisdom.  I go from the time I wake until the time I collapse.  Swimming, hockey, ballet, scouting, play dates, church, school trips, school volunteering, all household task, etc. etc. etc…..

Here it is.  I am a wife.  I am a mom.  And these people I made are getting older.  They are getting busier.  The more involved they become in their lives, the less in touch I become with my own.  I’m aware this is not a huge revelation and I know from speaking to my sister, its normal. But why?  Why does it have to be?  Why does helping them find their way mean I must lose mine?

It doesn’t. IT DOESN’T!

And they aren’t asking that of me.  My husband isn’t asking that of me.  I am doing it to myself.  How many stay at home parents do that to themselves?  It doesn’t make me a hero.  It doesn’t make me a martyr.  It makes me less than what I am called to be and that serves no one.  Not my husband, my community, my children, my God nor myself.

I am getting back to the core of myself.  I am vowing to myself and this little piece of space I have in the great ether that I am going to carve out time- for me.  I am going to take care of me.  I will practice my craft and make time to do what I love.  I used to see that as selfish.  I don’t anymore.  I need to take care of my WHOLE self so I can wholeheartedly be an asset to my family and their lives.  So I can be me.

So I am going to write.  Create.  Get back to my core.

Are you?  Are you doing what you are called to do?  If not, please do.  The world will be a brighter place when we are ALL our Authentic selves.