Listening to yourself

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There is a voice in us.  A faint whisper, and we can to decide each day whether to listen to it or to completely ignore it, but its there.  Are you listening?

I wasn’t.  For some time, years even, I didn’t listen.  The result?  A feeling in the pit of my stomach that would never cease.  An ache for something missing.  And if I am going to be honest, I can admit that I was so removed from myself that I would not have been able to tell you what was missing even if you had asked.  I had let myself get that far away from myself.  It was a sad time.

Slowly I began making my way back to my center, my passion, my vocation.  What I can tell you from that experience?  I was met with pure bliss.  A reckoning of mass proportions!

Most recently, I have become involved in other things, other things took my time and my attention.  Things I thought would enhance me or make me better.  In truth, those endeavors I sought began pulling me once again from my place of true being.  That time I was now dedicating to new things was taking my time from my vocation.  Promises to myself to tend to the writing were not kept.  Goals I set were not met.  Further and further I found myself drifting.

I will not hesitate to tell you, I experienced true angst in this predicament.  I sensed a huge weight on my shoulders and with each day I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing, more weight was being added.  I felt true pressure.

Here came the voice.  The inner voice.  A whisper at first, barely noticeable.  A hushed voice.  “Remember what brings you joy?”.  More time passed and such, less writing was done.  The voice called again with more earnest.  “Are you doing what lights you up inside?”.  More days checked off on the calendar.  More days just going along feeling like I am hiking further from myself.  The voice boomed.  “Go back to your center!  Do what it is you are meant to be doing!  Make time to be you! Do the work for that!”.

And so I remembered to listen to myself.  A decision was made.  And do you want to know something?  The second I made the decision, the very second I made it, I felt like I could float.  I felt like all the weight was gone.

THAT is how I know it was the right decision!  Listening to ourselves is so critical.  Life-changing and life-saving!

Be still and listen….

XOXO

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Identity

Who are we really?  Do we even know?  Do I?

This blog calls me a housewife.  Is that all I am?  Will I be that forever?  When that changes, does the blog need to change its web address?  If that changes, am I enough on my own to even stand alone as a web address?

I write.  It ebbs and flows but is that all that is required to make me a writer?  Is it enough?  Does it still count?  Can I call myself a writer when sometimes weeks pass without writing a word?

How much of our identity is what OTHER people tell us we are?  Do we really know ourselves?  Isn’t it time to get acquainted?

I’m in a wondering mood….

 

 

Wonder Wednesday 03.21.18

I took a break last week from my blogging and my writing. I settled in on vacation with my family and tried to be present for all of it.

And you know what? It was amazing. It was the epitome of the wonder I am seeking year long.

This was last week. Beautiful beach. Sea air. Colder but still majestic. Today? I sit staring out at the first full day of spring- watching the skies dump huge amounts of snow for hours upon hours.

I see the wonder in both. I am so lucky!

The point of choosing a word is so you can have focus. So you can enhance your life and hopefully other’s lives. I feel blessed because I am finding the wonder in each thing. And it is such an amazing quest to be on.

Dont misunderstand me; not everything is perfect or without stress sometimes- but this word is leading me intentionally to seek the joy; the wonder.

xoxo

 

 

Wonder Wednesday 03.07.18

weddingbliss

I’m feeling all the feels today.  Full of wonder and gratitude.  Even surrounded by inclement weather, I feel the sunshine.  This man, my husband, turns 43 today!  And I am in wonder every day that we get to share this life together. It is a blessing.  I see it for what it is.  That is a gift in and of itself.

I am also feeling a touch of melancholy today. You see, this 43rd birthday for my husband has been huge for me.  My father died when he was 42.  I was 7 and at the time it seemed as though he was so old.  I remember being perplexed when people said, “Oh, he was so young…”  I was cognizant of many things all year that my husband was 42.  I was aware we also had 4 children.  That we also had a 7 year old.  The familiar roles were at times, startling.

And now, today, he is 43.  The spell has been broken.  We are together and we are living on.  Sometimes tedious, sometimes hard but always, always full of wonder.

 

 

Wonder Wednesday 02.28.18

I suspect most of the wonders I seek this year will be hidden.  Will be things that I need to take a second or third look to see and find.  That is part of their wonder, true?

Today, I found wonder in an obvious place.  Some would say easy even.  I don’t care.  My goal is to delight in wonder all year long, where ever I should find it.  Even when I don’t have to look far at all.

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Look at her.  My eldest child, Studious.  She is my wondrous find today.  I often marvel at how she has grown.  How she has navigated this life to find her own place in which to stand and grow.  She has faced adversities and she always and repeatedly rises.  I am so proud and so in absolute wonder that I had anything to do with this.

In this photo, we were on a recent trip to NYC – just the two of us.  It was such an amazing gift from my husband.  It was perfect for too many reasons to list here.  In this picture, she is standing on the top of the Empire State Building (which needs to Go Gold for Pediatric Cancer- seriously, their refusal infuriates me BUT that is for another time).  She is standing overlooking NYC and I am in awe of her.  The old adage of ‘The world is her oyster’ is so true and she is so lucky.  And what makes her so full of wonder?  She knows this.  She knows that she is a participant in this world and she was not just put here to pay bills and die.  She has goals and aspirations and she will leave a positive impact on this place.  She is so wonderful or rather WonderFULL.

When I look for things or moments this year to encapsulate wonder for me, I will look broad and far.  However, today, I recognize that when someone you have known their whole life, still takes your breath away- you call it what it is and you celebrate them.

I am so blessed to be on this journey.  I am so blessed to be a mother.  It is the greatest role in life.  I will stop to see it and I will do my absolute best to recognize and delight in it.

Thank you to Studious for constantly showing me wonder.  For 21+ years I have been in awe of you, your dedication and determination.  I love you.  XOXO

You’re kidding that its almost March, right?

My word for 2018 is Wonder.  My word I pick is always intentional and thoughtful.  I try my best to map out the year I want to have, the year I envision and then I set out to pick the word that will best help me stay my course.

2018- Wonder.

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(art done by in house artist, Spicy)

I want to see the world through a different lens, perhaps a psychedelic one.  I want to see the good in all.   I want to feel that glimmer of extraordinary in everything.  I want to make intentional choices for myself that bring me wondrous things.  I want to inspire others to seek their own wonders.  That was my plan.  It most certainly still is.

But somehow, it is nearly March.  How is that possible?  Is anyone else shocked by this?

I feel in times such as these, when we have fabulous notions and ideas but we let time slip by (or rather it squeaks by on its own), the best plan of action is a PLAN OF ACTION!  A purposeful intention that is also a regimented intention.

I vow to check in here each week, we’ll say Wednesdays- I call them:

Wonder Wednesdays!

  When I write this little blog of mine, in my little space on the internet- I will report to you the wonder I have seen, felt, tasted and discovered.  I challenge you all to go find wonderful things as well.

 

 

Christmas Spirit Fail

Not feeling like such a hot parent today.  I had big plans.  I was going to pick up my children early to surprise them and take them to the new Christmas movie, Star.  I thought it would be a fun moment for us as we get ready to swing into the holiday season.  After all, Marlin (our Elf on the Shelf) will be here this week and we are psyched for his arrival….

Then, today, my children did this cute little thing they do some mornings.  I don’t know if any of yours do this.  Ah, its the BEST!  See if it sounds familiar….

“AUUGHHH!”

“HE touched me!”

“She is looking at me!”

“It isn’t MY job!”

“You need to come because now its getting physical”

“AUUGHHHH!”

“Why can’t we have Halloween candy for lunch?  Seriously, Mom!  You are such a fun ruiner.”

etc, etc, etc,  (all actual quotes here).

Surprisingly this doesn’t have me feeling all the feels if you catch my drift.  It has me thinking, “The only star you are going to see are the ones twirling around your head like a cartoon character…” just kidding about that part but COME ON!  A Fun Ruiner?? I am like- the QUEEN of Fun!

I am now sitting at the library working on a writing project but I keep coming back to this morning.  I keep coming back to the fact that despite it all, I STILL want to surprise them and pick them up and share this magical moment with them.  Am I delusional???

Then, now that I am calming (writing does this for me), I am forced to remember some other things that ALSO happened today that I had forgotten when I let the negativity take over.

“Spicy, you can go first.  Ladies first- Always.”

“Thanks for recording the Steelers for me mom. I can’t wait to see if they won.  Don’t tell me, I want to be surprised.”

“I’m going to love nature A LOT today in Environmental Science class today. Like more than normal.”

“I’m going to ask my Spanish teacher to help me write a book in Spanish.”

“I love you, Mom” – times 3.

I love you all, too!  I love it all.  The Christmas spirit isn’t failed here like I thought.  I just need to embrace it all and remember that its tough sometimes; being a parental unit.  But, if you just keep your eye on the Star (the good), you’ll find something that makes all the travels worth it.

XOXO