Keeping it Real…

Hey, guys! Sorry I haven’t posted for a while.  I have been busy with book stuff.  As you know, my children’s book, No Cheese Please, is out in the world.  I have been keeping up with it as it has been Out In the Wild as my Instagram feed shows.

And so with all that great and exciting stuff happening, I must also tell you other things that are happening here.  Things I am not proud to admit.  Things I am ashamed to state.  Why do it then?  Why use this platform to share?  I have learned (it to me decades) in my life that it is not healthy to keep negativity and shame locked inside.  The damage it inflicts on the psyche is so devastating, some don’t come back from it.  I want to keep this blog real and let it be a true representation of myself.  The good, the bad, the ugly.

So, first.  I really feel like I identify as a………worrier.  (Did I make some of you nervous there?).  What I mean by worrier is with the impending social engagements I have lined up for No Cheese Please, I find I am so nervous and self-conscious for them to happen.  I have found myself putting off event planning because I get so anxious.  So if you all could say prayers to help me battle this, I would be most appreciative.

And funny, I thought the second “For Real Reveal” was a separate matter and only now as I am typing realized it is so closely related, they are practically conjoined twins.  If you will remember, months ago I shared that I had been struggling with my weight and its toll on me.  I was proud to show you that I had lost a good bit of weight and you all were super supportive.  Thank you.  I am ashamed to tell you I completely fell off the wagon after my hysterectomy and did not get back on when I could/should have.  As a result, I have gained all the weight back.  I believe this contributes to my anxiety over public events.

I struggle because I am a very determined person.   I believe I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. The problem I have is my focus (that pin point surgeon focus) has only ever been able to be on one thing at a time.  Yes, I can multi-task BUT there is going to be one thing I will go over the top with and the others will get the basic (if anything).  The result of the past few months?  I published a book and I am enjoying it being sold all around.  I have done interviews and have events planned.  You can guess what had my focus and attention, yes?

The other result of this?  I have suffered.  My sweet husband has suffered.  Because believe me, when I am not happy with how I look, it manifests itself in so many random and unrelated things that he has to deal with as part of his “For Better or Worse” gig.  When I am overweight, it affects every aspect of my life.  Photos?  I hate having them taken of myself?  Dressing in the am?  Torture.  Shopping?  There are no words….

I even worry that my appearance will embarrass my children.  Studious is in college so she is well aware that I am not living a healthy life.  Clever, Dapper and Spicy are still young and I still worry about going into their schools.  I worry that I (even now) embarrass them.  I hate that feeling.

So, I am going to work on this and I am sharing it here for a collection of reasons.

  1. I am a writer.  Its what I do.
  2. I hope to encourage even one person (even if its me, it will be worth it)
  3. I want the accountability.  I mean, it will be hard to NOT make these changes after sharing this with you all.

My blog is still going to focus very much on writing and being a mom.  That is where my heart is and you all know that.  So I will not be making this a blog about weight loss/etc.  However, I do vow to share with you once a week a progress update.  You can expect these updates to come Saturdays as that is the day I officially REBEGAN my transformation.

Some of you will ask what it is I will be doing.  I plan on following the Ideal Protein protocol and also using the workouts from Bikini Body Mommy. The BBM currently has 4  90 day challenges.  I have started Bikini Body Mommy Challenge 1.0.  They are free workouts- check them out.

I do have before pictures I took on Sunday as well as my initial weigh in.  At this time, I am not going to reveal those.  I would like to revisit sharing at a later date.

In closing, I wanted to thank you for reading this novella.  And I hope you can help support me and each other in this.

As I have said before, “I want my outside to reflect the person I am on the inside”.

XOXO

 

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Here is a Permission Slip to Rear-End my Vehicle!

Good Night!  I am writing to you all on the eve of an important day for me.  Tomorrow is the day I go back on my diet (healthier way of life).

For most of you, I need to go deeper into this so that you have an understanding of what has been happening over here.

In June I decided I would change my lifestyle and my eating by eating lean proteins and cutting out most carbs, sugars, etc.  This proved to be very successful for me and I lost 25 pounds in less than 3 months.  See progress photo here:

IMG_0474It is important for you to understand that I made the choice to go on this diet because with each day, I was becoming more and more miserable in my own skin.  Please note I am well aware that there are people out there bigger than I was and I am not here to comment or judge anything about them or their appearance.  I 110% believe it is up to each person to draw their own conclusions about their health.  I am merely stating that I was personally unhappy with myself.  It was seeping into every aspect of my life (as things typically do).  I have found that people who are unhappy with themselves become so very toxic to themselves and to those around them.  I was tired of being miserable.  I was tired of making others miserable.  I wanted to be healthy for my husband so we could share a long life together.  I wanted to go shopping without that feeling of COMPLETE DREAD that I had (still have).  I wanted to be a positive role model for my children ; a mom they could be proud to point out to their friends.  Shit, I wanted to be HOT.  Not like in a “run around on my hubby” kind of hot but just hot for myself.  Hot like going into a dressing room and knowing everything will fit and everything will look pretty damn amazing…That kind of hot.

So, I made the decision, took the plunge and began my journey.  I took measurements each week as well as photos.  I was very strict and I was making pretty amazing strides.  Then, I had my hysterectomy scheduled and was told that I had to go off the diet ASAP and would have to wait to go back on until well after my surgery.  This had to happen because I had put my body in Ketosis with this diet and I needed to have my system running at full capacity when going under the knife and then healing from a major surgery.  In that time (about 2 months) I have gained 11 lbs. back.

I know what you may be thinking.  “Hey, you didn’t gain it all back.” You are, of course, correct.  I am thankful for that.  I had hoped I would not gain any, but I did.  It has happened and its fact.

So here I am, the eve of the new beginning of this diet for me.  I vowed to myself that I would be sure to blog truly authentic content.  That I would be brave and forge forward with my writing and when I am honest with myself, I know that means I need to write about ALL the stuff, not just the good and flowery stuff.  The truth is, I am looking at a tough road ahead with a goal to get to a healthy weight.  I am looking to lose 75 more lbs.  I will lose 75 lbs.

The memoirs of THIS housewife is complex.  More complex than even I realized.  There are so many things I want to embrace in this amazing life.  I am in love with my life and my family and I want to be a DOER.  I don’t want to be a person who “talks” about what they want to do, I want to be the person “doing” it.

So that may feel to some of you that I am all over the place.  When I am blogging about my husband, kids, helpful organization tips, my writing, my weight loss, my swimming, holiday ideas, creative business endeavors, etc. But I am here, in my truth- being me.  Complex and multi-faceted and living this Extraordinary Life in Camo (just as promised on the header of the blog).

So PLEASE say a prayer for me.  Wish me well.  Support my efforts.  And if you see me in a McDonald’s drive through, rear-end me.  Seriously, you totally have my permission.  Here is the permission slip!

Motivational Tip for those of you who want to join me on the Healthy Train:  Check out my Pinterest (Quatro Mom) to look at my board, “What I’ll be Sportin’ when I’m Skinny”.  I think the visual motivation this will provide will be worth it’s weight in gold for me!  The, create your own board that you can fill with images, recipes, quotes, clothes, etc. that get you excited about your journey.  Follow me on Pinterest and I will follow you.  Share your board with me.  I want to support you as well!

XOXO