Did I ever share my word for 2019? It doesn’t seem as though I did. 2018 was hard. My word back then was Wonder. I found myself full of wonder but in none of the ways I imagined. Mostly just WONDERing what to do. WONDERing how I got to a place I didn’t intend to get to. To be frank, WONDERing that the hell I was doing.
I was glad when 2018 was over. Its a story for another post. A story that will take courage to tell and one that must be told when littles (can I still call Clever, Dapper and Spicy littles when they are 10, 9 and breathing down 8’s neck??) are not underfoot with excitement for Christmas… Its hard because as every writer knows, our stories are not our own. They are intertwined and weaved with other’s lives and truths. Our version is but one facet… Still, as writers also know, stories within us must come forth or they overcrowd and corrupt our minds leaving no room for new stories and beginnings. So I will write my story and you will hear my story in due time.
As it is, 2019 came. I anticipated it and welcomed a fresh new year. Not to lose weight (tho I need to), not to quit smoking (did that almost 11 years ago- thank you very much)- no real resolutions were happening here. I was just grateful to see a new year, pick a new word and begin again.
My word for 2019 was (and for the next 20 days still is) STRONG.
It was deceptive at first, I admit. Its a bold word and claiming it as my word of the year was daring. Especially given the fact I didn’t feel it. I wasn’t sure I believed it. Okay, I know I didn’t believe it. But I made it my word and I thought about it every single day thus far in 2019. I make decisions that will make me a strong person. I work to make my marriage strong. I strive to be a strong role model for my littles . I have strong friendships and learned to appreciate them and nurture them. I was strong in the realization that other friendships weren’t. This is okay, it makes the strong outshine. I see them clearly. I feel that this year – and last- let me see everyone clearly. I still STRONGly wish everyone well.
I am spending the next several weeks thinking and praying for my next word. Praying that Jesus just lets it come to me and gives me the purpose to slay all things with my word!
2020, I’m coming for you and I am so happy to keep on keeping on!
I am still here. I write this as a reminder to myself even more than a notification to my readers.
I have been writing so much these last few months, just not blogging. I have missed this.
I find myself thinking of this blog often. I think,
“What do I want to write?”
“What is there to say?”
“Do people really want to hear a housewife’s take on kids and married life?”
“Do I really want to talk about kids and married life?”
“Should I just post works here? Try to get feedback?”
Lots of questions. And with full disclosure, I didn’t come to any definitive conclusions.
With the exception of this: I want to write and I want to write here.
I want to write about whatever I want. This blog doesn’t need to fit under an umbrella that only touches on certain topics. It can be all encompassing. I have no control over who reads, who shares, who cares. But that isn’t why writing has ever mattered to me. Writing has been my lifeline since I was a child. When I was 7 and used writing to help me grapple through my father’s death and throughout my life going through every other hardship and joy. Writing is home.
So here it goes. Continuing the act of saving myself. Using my God-given talent to spend time with myself…and hopefully you all as well.
For me and for this new year, this word pursue means so many things.
I want to pursue my children. Relentlessly. I want to be a more present mom and make more memories with them that will last beyond my lifetime and throughout theirs. I have always been here for my children, this year I want to make a conscious effort to engage more and truly pursue them. All relationships take work. Even those between a mother and her children.
I want to pursue my writing. Chase it and have fun with it and always be seeking it.
I want to pursue knowledge with the furthering of my education. I have set this goal and I want to continue on the path to reaching it.
I want to pursue relationships that are important to me. To make extra time for those close to me that I want closer. To take the time to show those special people just how much they mean to me. Family and friends tend to get lost in the shuffle of life. I want to pursue them and bring them back in.
And last, I want to pursue the wisdom to know when to let things go. I struggle with that.
Here is to 2017. May we all be safe and healthy all year long! Good luck to you in all your pursuits. (see what I did there?)
Thank you for reading and for following along. XOXO