You’re kidding that its almost March, right?

My word for 2018 is Wonder.  My word I pick is always intentional and thoughtful.  I try my best to map out the year I want to have, the year I envision and then I set out to pick the word that will best help me stay my course.

2018- Wonder.


(art done by in house artist, Spicy)

I want to see the world through a different lens, perhaps a psychedelic one.  I want to see the good in all.   I want to feel that glimmer of extraordinary in everything.  I want to make intentional choices for myself that bring me wondrous things.  I want to inspire others to seek their own wonders.  That was my plan.  It most certainly still is.

But somehow, it is nearly March.  How is that possible?  Is anyone else shocked by this?

I feel in times such as these, when we have fabulous notions and ideas but we let time slip by (or rather it squeaks by on its own), the best plan of action is a PLAN OF ACTION!  A purposeful intention that is also a regimented intention.

I vow to check in here each week, we’ll say Wednesdays- I call them:

Wonder Wednesdays!

  When I write this little blog of mine, in my little space on the internet- I will report to you the wonder I have seen, felt, tasted and discovered.  I challenge you all to go find wonderful things as well.



Back to the Core


We always hear, “Write what you know.”  Perhaps that is why I was so quiet for so long.  I wasn’t sure I knew much at all.  I was never focused on one thing long enough to speak, er, write about it with any sort of intelligence or wisdom.  I go from the time I wake until the time I collapse.  Swimming, hockey, ballet, scouting, play dates, church, school trips, school volunteering, all household task, etc. etc. etc…..

Here it is.  I am a wife.  I am a mom.  And these people I made are getting older.  They are getting busier.  The more involved they become in their lives, the less in touch I become with my own.  I’m aware this is not a huge revelation and I know from speaking to my sister, its normal. But why?  Why does it have to be?  Why does helping them find their way mean I must lose mine?

It doesn’t. IT DOESN’T!

And they aren’t asking that of me.  My husband isn’t asking that of me.  I am doing it to myself.  How many stay at home parents do that to themselves?  It doesn’t make me a hero.  It doesn’t make me a martyr.  It makes me less than what I am called to be and that serves no one.  Not my husband, my community, my children, my God nor myself.

I am getting back to the core of myself.  I am vowing to myself and this little piece of space I have in the great ether that I am going to carve out time- for me.  I am going to take care of me.  I will practice my craft and make time to do what I love.  I used to see that as selfish.  I don’t anymore.  I need to take care of my WHOLE self so I can wholeheartedly be an asset to my family and their lives.  So I can be me.

So I am going to write.  Create.  Get back to my core.

Are you?  Are you doing what you are called to do?  If not, please do.  The world will be a brighter place when we are ALL our Authentic selves.




On the Path- Exit 1

Lately, I have been seeing my life as a huge super highway with many turns, exits and paths.  Each a different component of me and my life.  Some are straight and concise.  You know these roads too, I am sure.  Those things we don’t have to think too hard on.  Those aspects that just sort of go along at their own pace and that pace is perfect for us. These roads for me are my marriage, my husband and my kiddos.  I know the direction I am going in my life where they are concerned and I am happy for it all.  Other roads are bumpy and have their share of hills.  I think these roads keep us on our feet and force us off of autopilot so we can actually live.  These roads are my creativity.  While the work itself is always on that aforementioned road, the work following is sometimes difficult for me.  The attention of tours, events, promotions.  I still haven’t become totally confident in those situations.  Probably, in part, to the last group of roads…  And THAT road friends and followers, are those  that were under construction many moons ago but seem to have been forgotten. Roads with so many potholes and accidents waiting to happen we are scared to even look at the exit markers.  Trouble is, when we neglect these roads, the ones that need the most work and attention…they don’t go away.  They get worse.  And eventually, we have to take a ride and decide what we are going to do.  How we are going to repair that which has been damaged for so long?

And so, I am going to share with you my trip on the reckless road.  I do this with an anxious heart I must confess because I am feeling cracked open writing this series (I will break this up into three posts).  I hope you all will receive it with the sincerity and compassion with which I am writing it.


Exit 1.  It was a cold place for sure.  No warmth there.  Bitter some would say.  It was where I encountered and stored my horrific self esteem.  I have addressed this in the past on this blog.  I must tell you it is a very real thing that I did not believe or understand until I experienced it.

I have 4 children.  My body reflected as much.  Truth be told, my body reflected that I had delivered 4 grown lineman from an NFL team.  There was so much extra weight.  With each pregnancy, more weight compiled onto more weight.  I did fad diets, I did healthy diets, I worked out, I ate out- I did it all.  It seemed I was a hamster on that proverbial wheel going nowhere.  But unlike the hamster, I wasn’t in ignorant bliss doing so.  I was slowly developing a crippling relationship with myself.  One that was going to be debilitating if I kept on that wheel.

It started off small.  Those conversations with myself that I would have (I know we all do it- or I am the only one and I am crazy so you can just click out of this post now).  I would get out of the shower and I would say little things to myself.

“Gosh, you got to do something about this weight”

“Hmm, I think you look bigger than last month”

“Ugh, junk in the trunk”

These were light comments I made to myself.  And once I was dried, dressed and out the door, the thoughts were gone as well.  Until my next shower.  But that was doable, right?  Because most of our day is not in the shower.  I could manage.

But the weight kept coming.  And the conversations?  They grew more harsh.

“Surely your husband sees what a mess you are”

“You look so gross”

“What happened to you”

And these conversations lasted longer. Not just in the bathroom, but maybe all morning until my day was in full swing.

And fast forward to most recently, when these self pep talks were really turning into self verbal assaults.  And I don’t need to type here what I was telling myself, let it just be known I was not showing myself kindness.  And dear ones, if you are unable to be kind to yourself, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be kind to others.  So this should tell you how bad a path I had come upon.

These conversations were now happening throughout the day.  Most of the day, all days.

And so I decided I was taking back this head of mine.  These thoughts were over and this path?  It was getting an overhaul.  So was I, as it turned out.  I just wasn’t aware of it yet.

I went to consult with a plastic surgeon about my stomach.  Having the last 3 ten pound babies a year apart from each other on top of the hysterectomy had left my stomach a mess.  SO much extra skin and excess everything.  I wanted to consult a professional and get their feedback and input.  My doctor examined me.  True story, I had tears welling up when I was standing in front of him and his nurses.  It was such a vulnerable moment.  I was ashamed, frustrated, just open.

My doctor assured me he would be able to make things right. He said that no matter what I did on my own, the skin was never going to go away,  I had gone to the right place.  He was going to help me.

I cried to my husband.  I couldn’t believe that the thing that had caused me such angst and misery was able to be fixed.  I couldn’t believe my husband was so supportive.  It was a huge thing to ask for and he never hesitated.  I can’t ever thank him enough.

My doctor told me I had severe diastasis recti and that he would be able to repair it when he performed a full tummy tuck and liposuction.  I was finally going to get the successful nudge I needed to make this exit on my life highway a scenic view and not a dreaded eyesore.

I know this route is not one everyone can do or may even agree with.  I  can say I knew this was right the moment I began speaking with the doctor.

I had already investigated and interviewed several doctors.   The one I chose was the Chief of Plastic Surgery and also taught at Johns Hopkins.  I recommend that if any of you out there decide to go this direction, you do the same- meet and interview docs.

It was also important for me that my plastic surgeon performed the surgery in a hospital and not a surgical “suite”.  This is a personal preference and one that proved to be smart later on.

So, it was settled.  I was going through with plastic surgery.  My surgery was scheduled for 07/01.  The first day of the month.  The first day to me.  I was so excited!

Tune in to the next installment of this amazing journey.

But first- my before photo…


(notice the excess skin and the fact that the weakened stomach muscles push out skin even further…)- also note the black bikini was purchased for photos.




One Word- the book

So for the last two years, I have taken notes from a book written by a local man in town called One Word.  The idea and concept of this book is SO easy.  You guys, we can all participate.


This book asks us to shed the idea of overbearing New Year’s Eve Resolutions.  How many of us create these super-versions of ourselves for the New Year?  We set off our year burdening ourselves with these huge hardships which lead to sometimes even more huge disappointments/ failures and self-hatred.

Not me. Not once I read One Word written by Jon Gordon, Dan Britton and  Jimmy Paige (I will post a link at the bottom of this post).  One Word asks the reader to pray to find the One Word we should focus on and embrace for the first year.  Everyone’s word is different and unique to them.  Even people who chose the same word, chose it for different reasons and with different meanings.

For example.  I know two people who chose the word Forgiveness last year.  The first person chose that word because they were a recovering alcoholic and they were trying desperately to learn the art of self-forgiveness.  Forgiveness for the things she remembered and the things she did not but knew hurt others.  The second person chose forgiveness because they had a rocky upbringing and they were struggling to move passed the hurt, the shame and the disfunction experienced in their early years.  Two different journeys all stemming from One Word.

Once you choose your annual word, you create (my fave part) a piece of art to display in your home or office as a reminder of that One Word you are striving to work on all year long.  A lot of people paint canvases.  My art for the passed two years has been ceramic that I paint and then the pottery place puts in the Kiln for me.  It is a decoration and a reminder to me.  It has been so very helpful and much less intimidating than a gigantic resolution that has a high fail rate percentage.

So, seeing as this has been such an incredible experience for me, I wanted to share it with my readers/followers.  AKA My Blog Buddies.  I highly recommend you check out One Word and see for yourself the power it can hold.  The power YOU actually hold when you give attention and dedication to one focal point.  Its a small concept with massive results.

Time for more personal sharing.  I will tell you my words from the past and my reasons.  Hey, we are all friends here, right?

In 2013, my word was Extraordinary.  I chose this word because I wanted to make sure I tried my best to be extraordinary at everything I tried and I wanted to make sure that when I walked away from someone, that I had left them feeling extraordinary themselves.  In choosing this word, relationships in my life seemed better, I was more willing to try and learn new things, I was kinder to myself and to others.  It really was an Extraordinary experience.

2014 brought a new word (you must choose a new one each year.  The word I chose was LIVE.  I wanted to be sure that I was living to my fullest potential.  I wanted to do the things I wanted and LIVE!  This has been an awesome ride this year as I believe my attention and devotion to the One Word, Live, helped me to focus on myself. The word Live kept me driven with my writing and thrust me to pursuing my passions.

I hope you all will consider choosing One Word for 2016.  Feel free to share it or NOT.  Telling others your word is fine but it isn’t what this is about.  This is a personal journey.  I am happy to share with you.

My word for 2016 is Immerse.  I feel so complelled that this is my word, I honestly feel that it chose me.  Aside from being a writer, I also LOVE TO SWIM.  I have gotten away from it and I have decided that my One Word will have Two Meanings.  🙂

The first and most obvious is that I want to get back to swimming.  Back to the water and back to an early passion I had.  I loved swimming even before I loved reading and writing (if you can believe THAT).

The second reason I chose Immerse is that I want to Immerse myself completely in my life.  In my passions, in my family, in my joys.  I simply want to be immersed in this glorious life and I am choosing this word as a daily reminder of that fact.

So take the plunge with me.  Choose a word and watch the miracles take place!

You can find out more at